Every Piece of Me…

May 5th entry..

So it’s May 5th, Cinco de Mayo, honestly can’t believe it’s already May. 5 months into the new year. Time sure does go by quickly when you stay busy. I’ve had alot on my mind as usual the past few weeks since I wrote last. Was able to find a second job on my days off from my main job right now to keep myself occupied and my mind off certain things. So I’m back to working almost 100 hrs a week again non stop. On top of getting ready to move to a new place as well, it’s been stressful. At least I’ll have alot more room to work with and having an actual setup for streaming in my free time.

At some points it can burn you out quickly, but I’d rather feel overworked and tired. I’d take that instead of feeling depressed letting my mind wander thinking about my ex or envisioning the flashbacks of all the fights we had wishing things would’ve gone differently.

It’s been somewhat of a relief that I haven’t cried or had a mental breakdown for awhile. I deleted all my personal social media about a month ago to force myself to try and forget about her and it still hurts. In some aspect it always will. I gave her every piece of myself.. after awhile you start to forget all the small ways they made you feel better. I especially miss all moments we could lay in bed for hours, wrapped up in each other’s arms, it felt as if time stopped and stood still. That feeling of feeling safe and peace was surreal. I LOVED everything about her..

It feels strange that it’s almost been a year since our breakup and becoming strangers with memories is something in the moment you never really think about until it actually happens because you’re so focused on making the relationship work. I titled this medium the way I did because there’s a song by Illenium (edm artist) called “Every Piece of Me” and the first part of the lyrics to the song almost reflects or mimics how I’ve felt since then.

“Your energy holds on to me, still wrapped up in your strings. Those words you speak, they cut so deep, I still feel everything.”

Then there’s two other lines of lyrics that hit pretty hard as well.

“When every piece of me still needs you now.” && “And you make it hurt the worst ‘cause you know me”

I never had to think or have the thought of being where I’m at right now, alone.. single.. without her.. because all I ever wanted was her. She pushed me to do better, be better.. I never thought so far ahead to even consider a possibility of not being with her anymore. She was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I always tell myself, she was the right one, just not the right time. I pray to God often that He keeps her and everyone in her family safe, healthy, and happy. I care about all of them. Love is a powerful force, never to be underestimated. At the end of the day.. there’s not anything I still wouldn’t do for her.

I don’t know what the future holds.. in time all things will reveal themselves. As time goes on, I’ll continue to heal and learn to let go of the past. One thing I know is true, is that I’ll never forget </3